Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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