i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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