they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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