I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
