Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Moan for me like Helen Keller
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
