he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
