you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
