Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
