Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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