yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
