I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
