I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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