I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
