I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
