why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
