Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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