your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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