Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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