I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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