my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
