Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
