Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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