chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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