Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
