here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
