i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
