ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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