I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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