So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
