Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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