Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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