Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
