He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
