The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
