I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
