I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
