there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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