Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
