I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
