Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
