Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
