There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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