Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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