my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
