doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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