Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
