I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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