You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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