How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
