The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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