No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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