five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
