oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize