Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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