I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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