How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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