There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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