i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
