my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
