threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
