I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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