I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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