I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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