everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
