I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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