She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
