My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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