I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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