I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
