I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
