I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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