whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
