i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We left the knife in your bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
