hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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